Maybe you started a new job and someone is helping you learn the ropes and how to figure things out. A new job is always difficult. How nice to have someone who knows things teach you what you should and should not do, how the system works by explaining and by example, and by being a confidant who you can go to if you have questions or concerns. How great, right? Not always...
Smashed By the Bus
We seemed to be getting along great! He was very friendly and helpful, explaining the system, introducing me to the head of the departments, talking about trips he had recently taken and had coming up, asking for my advise in various areas of work, talking about his wife and their kids, etc. I had worked with him a couple of months, and then it happened.
1. Don't also become a monster. Nietzsche said, "Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster." Ouch! By pulling him under the bus along with me, had I become a monster as well? Yes, protect yourself, but have a positive attitude and do not complain. You may find a safe person to vent to but do not let this incident overtake your happiness.
2. Be professional. Once a cheater, always a cheater? Someone who tosses you under the bus has likely done it before to others and will do it again. They likely have become desensitized to other's feelings, especially their victims. Taking the high road does not mean you roll over, but do not respond in the same or a more unprofessional manner. You may be able to help another person who will be, or has been, betrayed as well.
3. Learn. We all have instincts. We get those feelings that something just "doesn't feel right." Remember that feeling and learn from this experience so it does not happen again. Were you too trusting, too soon? Remember when he said that snide remark and you ignored it and waved it off as nothing? He was letting you know who he is. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
4. Forgive. Let go of your anger and resentment. This does not mean the betrayer is "off the hook," but merely that you are not letting them control your emotions and your life. This is not always easy, but eventually you will need to just let it go and move on.
5. Surround yourself with true friends. "If you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life." - Marc Anthony. Part of doing what you love is being surrounded by people who you like and trust. Find those people in your environment whether it is at school, at work, or in your social life. In my case, this sort of behavior seemed to be part of the entire environment and I wanted a place where I liked the people and what I did. Once I realized that this was a negative place that I did not like or want to be a part of, I made some life changes and severed ties with the company. I have never regretted it.